I share a cubicle with a woman here at work - we shall call her Lily. Lily has a lot on her plate, both personally and in the office. She's married to an alcoholic, and while they share a home, they don't have any kind of marital relationship. She has a ne'er-do-well son, and is raising one of her grandchildren. Layoffs are coming, and she's sure her position is threatened. (And it is: over the last six months or so, she's had more and more of her responsibilities taken away and given to others.) She's a little advanced in years, is not financially able to retire, and is scared.
I have befriended her. I look after her - she doesn't do stairs well, so I run her paperwork around for her. I surprise her with frosties from Wendy's. I've listened to her problems, and I pray for her every day at lunch. I'm kind to her.
Today, she stabbed me in the back. Suffice to say that Lily went straight to my supervisor with errant information about a conversation I'd had. She neither heard the conversation, nor took the time to listen to my side of it. She went straight over my head, and had to climb the stairs to do so, so God knows it took determination and effort. My supervisor talked to me, believes me, asked me not to confront Lily about it, etc.
Here's the funny part: As I was driving to work this morning, I heard Chuck Swindoll tell a story my wife used in a sermon illustration this week. A missionary was preaching a sermon, and after the service, she was surprised to see a German SS guard who had tormented her and her sister years before, in a concentration camp during World War II. It took everything she had - specifically, several quiet prayers to God - to extend her hand in friendship. But she did it, hard as it was.
As I came downstairs from my supervisor's office, I was steaming. I wanted so badly to talk to Lily directly, tell her off, and sulk. But I'm required to forgive. Worse, I'm required to pray for her:
"But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you...." (Matt. 5:44, NIV)
Now, I'm not being persecuted, but I am confronted with the spirit of the verse, and that spirit requires me to treat Lily no differently than I did before. In fact, I have to treat her better. Today, I'm going to pray for her during my lunchtime devotions, just as I always do. And I'll probably pick her up a frostie from Wendy's.
I will say one thing: six months ago, I'd have let Lily have it. God has been working on me - hard - and I can notice differences in the way I used to act, and the way I act now. All too often, I fail, but I do see growth. I see a difference.
This Christian thing is tough, though. It's a tough row to hoe.
The 3 audiences in every congregation
3 days ago
"This Christian thing is tough, though. It's a tough row to hoe."
ReplyDeleteYep... at times. But consider the alternative. What could you do that would actually be redemptive for her and for you?
Frosties are always redemptive, btw. :)
Great post.
I'm proud of you, too, Joe. I want to be with Jesus when I die but you are right being a Christian is hard. How many times do I have to die to self before I can put Jesus in the center of my life? How many times can I be forgiven for angry thoughts about others or words spoken in anger and never asked forgiveness for? How can I be forgiven if I haven't forgiven? I've never confronted the inappropriate physical behavior as a child from an old man who is dead now. When I brought it to my mom she never did anything about it, it continued and I have never been able to forgive her and she is dead now. Because of those things, not worthy tapes roll in my head. They say this is one of the reasons people overeat also. I still like to blame my damaged thyroid gland at birth, the hypothyroidism and the 20 plus years of steroids for asthma and pneumonia but when I am really hurt do I comfort myself with food - yes. Do I celebrate with food - yes. The only thing good about being ill is sometimes it is hard to eat. However, now being an insulin dependent diabetic I can't even safely not eat when I actually am not hungry or feeling up to eating. Somehow, that seems unfair but it is what it is. I've asked for forgiveness and for the Lord to cast out my demons but they are still in me. I had to work hard for my mom to pay any attention to me. It wasn't her fault she just had too many children and not enough support. She had favorities but I wasn't one. She told me God gave her the chance to make it up to me by her helping to raise Tina. She was the best grandma a child could have. Tina was her favorite unfortunately, some of the other grandchildren didn't like that. That started me being a workaholic, having to earn approval and doing more than I could physically handle professionally, personally and activities with the church. That led to me going on disability at age 52 and losing everything financial. From 36 years of human resources/labor relations and making good money to three years of no money waiting for the disability approval,living in horrible HUD housing with scary people and scary creatures in substandard housing and welfare of $115 a month. But you know what, I never turned away from Jesus and he, Tina, my church family, my family, friends and the medical community got me through. I met George and got married 4 years ago. My daughter met the most wonderful man - you - and if the good Lord is willing we will see grandchildren from this union. If God found me worthy to have Tina when the medical community swore I could not either get pregnant or if I did I would not carry her to term. For one week before she was born the doctors were afraid neither of us were going to make it. Then with jaundice, broken jaws and skull we were told if she lived she would be retarded. None of that came true. I believed the Lord called my Tina into Christian service in the womb. If he can do that for me, one of his imperfect sinners, just imagine how you and Tina will be blessed. I have always been like Martha and worry about getting the work done and Tina has always lived like Mary, putting Jesus in the center, putting him first, with an attitude work can wait. I guess I'm saying I know she had her priorities straight. Thank you for your love of my daughter and me. I always wanted a son and a daughter and now I have that. You know my dad never had favorites, he always made everyone believe they were special. I don't know if I had had more children whether I would have had favorites or not - I would hope not. I hope when you have children I will be like my dad and make each and every one of your children feel special. Love you, your mom by marriage
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